Her Story - Tiller's Patient "Cheryl" Speaks Out

Thank you for your response, I have to admit that I wasn't expecting one. First, I want to ask you how old the other two stories are from your site. Second, I do want to compliment you on your site. It is tastefully done, unlike some other sites I've seen. I must say I do not care for the pictures and information about the employees of Dr. Tiller's clinic. They have an incredibly hard job without additional harassment. Up until August of this year I would've considered myself pro-life. I've seen so many of the graphic photos of terminations that it just made me ill. I couldn't imagine why ANY woman would put themselves through such trauma. I always assumed that woman who used any type of termination service were unintended, healthy pregnancies. I now realize things aren't always black and white.

I honestly feel as though Dr. Tiller is not getting positive support. I am grateful to him for making a horrible situation a little more tolerable. He didn't force us into making a decision. He was able to provide us with information many local/regional doctors were not, and he gave us the option to have some control over the most difficult time in our lives.

I want to give a little background about myself. I am an educated, happily married 28-year-old woman. I have one child and this was a WANTED pregnancy.

Our world crashed when we found out something was seriously wrong during a routine ultrasound at 22 weeks (5 1/2 months). We were told she had a two-vessel cord, her heart was on the wrong side (fluid around the heart - leading to failure), ribs were butterflied, lung abnormalities, and spine was missing pieces & fragmented. Her facial bones were abnormal as well as her brain development. She also had dislocated, frog-like hips and her tailbone was missing. Two doctors at two major hospitals, one perinatal, had no idea what to tell us. They had never seen this before.

We underwent a level 2 ultrasound and asked various questions of the technician. She answered as much as she could but we would have to wait for the perinatologist. Once the perinatologist entered the room, we knew something was terribly wrong, she had tears in her eyes. She started to explain to us the abnormalities they had discovered with our child. One of the first questions out of my mouth was can it be fixed? Was there ANYTHING that could be done to save my very wanted pregnancy? The doctor flat out told us "No". I can not explain to you how I felt except for that I felt that my world crashed. Pregnancy is supposed to be happy. For me personally, it killed me inside to know that I was carrying a child that would not live. As horrible as it sounds, feeling her kick had turned from a joyous feeling to unbearable. I thought I was going to die of a broken heart. The second question we asked was about quality of life. We were told "zero" and that her deformities were 'incompatible with life". If she survived to term and birth, which was very doubtful, our child would be in constant pain and have numerous inoperable conditions. We were informed we had one of two options, continue pregnancy or terminate. Back pain alone can bring the strongest man to his knees. Imagine a whole body in that condition? My baby's heart was showing signs of failure. It was beating but not 'working'. My heart was supporting my body as well as hers, causing adverse affects on me. If something could have been done for my child, ANYTHING, I would have done it. There was also the very real fact my daughter could be left without a mother. It's a lot to absorb in a very short amount of time.

We had our baby baptized before we left for Kansas and our minister was incredibly supportive.

We were referred to Dr. Tiller in Wichita, Kansas. I PRAYED that the doctors were wrong. We underwent an additional ultrasound when we arrived in Kansas, and nothing would've made me happier than to hear the doctors were wrong and we could go home to have a happy baby. Obviously those prayers were not answered. Our WANTED child had Caudal Regression syndrome (a very rare syndrome affecting 1 in 75,000) as well as numerous other anomalies.

I ask that you at least glance at one of these links (if not all three).

http://www.pullthrough.org/ptnn24.html
http://www.orpha.net/static/GB/caudal_regression_sequence.html
http://www.thefetus.net/page.php?id=94

Through HOURS of research I have found someone that also suffers from Caudal Regression syndrome. My conversations with her were extremely enlightening. She explained to me that while it IS possible to live with this syndrome, there are differing degrees of severity. Sadly, my daughter had a very severe case. She informed me that in her opinion we made the right decision.

Dr. Tiller and his staff were absolutely wonderful. We were given the option of having our baby baptized, the option to see/hold/name her, prints of her hands/feet (which I now have her footprints tattooed on my wrist), a certificate of her delivery, the option to take photos and medical xrays.

While these sound bizarre (at first I couldn't imagine seeing my daughter, let alone holding/naming her) I treasure everything I was provided with. I would have deeply regretted not doing or taking advantage of these options.

It has partly become my mission to bring awareness to people about infant loss. We were greeted by protesters upon our arrival and departure during our week in Wichita and I just had to feel sad for them. The first day consisted of numerous crosses on the lawn, which I had assumed were in honor of babies that had passed away. I was wrong. Either later that day or the next day we were greeted with signs of aborted fetuses (in pieces) on billboards. We also had men and women pound on our car window as we entered saying to my husband, "Sir, you don't have to kill your baby." They obviously have never been in my shoes, and I honestly hope they never have to. Located next door to Dr. Tiller's clinic is a pro-life clinic that offers 4D ultrasounds (or maybe it was 3D). I would have loved to see them tell me that all the other doctors were wrong, but mostly I would have just wanted the chance to see my daughter one more time.

I'm not trying to change your views on termination, but can you honestly tell me that you would/could put your child through this? It seems the most 'active' anti-termination people tend to be men, and most often I'm sure they have not had to endure such a difficult situation as this. There isn't a day that goes by that my heart doesn't ache. I still have panic attacks when I talk about my darling little girl, not because of Dr. Tiller, but because this type of thing isn't supposed to happen. I have a 2-year-old daughter and she should've had a baby sister around the 12 of December. I just ask that you respect my view as I respect yours. I wanted to share a different view of this subject.

Thank you for your time.

Click here to read the experience "Denise" had during her abortion.

Click here to read more from women who have had abortions at Tiller's clinic.

Click here to go to the home page.

This account was edited only lightly for spelling and grammar. The information in brackets [like this] is information that was changed to protect the identity of this woman.

Did you have an abortion at Tiller's clinic? Or did you accompany someone who did? If so, please click here. I'd like to correspond with you.