Her Story - Tiller's Patient "LaDonna" Speaks Out

I will start off by saying that I am still and will more then likely always be Pro Choice, and tho I do respect your decision in being Pro Life and wishing to educate men and women about abortion and your beliefs on it, I do not agree with your methods IE Truth trucks, Graphic Pictures and your basic run of the mill harassment.

I do however agree with you on one thing now, and that is that Dr Tillers abortion clinic should be closed, after some deep soul searching and many sleepless nights up thinking about the care I received there I agree it's not right. I think I was so grateful to him because he was able to terminate a pregnancy for me, because I couldn't face the results of that pregnancy. Don't get me wrong I'm not some girl off the street who got pregnant and decided in my third trimester that I all of the sudden was not ready to be a parent.

I was newly married had a new home and had been helping raise my stepson since he was 6 months old, We were beyond elated to be having this baby we loved her from the minute we found out she was coming.. we had the nursery all painted and basically were waiting I was due to have her on [date edited] It wasn't until [date edited] that it was noticed that there was something wrong during a routine ultrasound... the next day me and my husband were sent to [Regional Hospital]. They have the best Prenatal diagnosis and medical genetics Progg in the country. It was then after a bunch of tests that they were able to tell me that our daughter whom we were expecting in less than a month more then likely had Complete Trisomy 22 a condition incompatible with life. An MRI confirmed that this was true.

I was then faced with 2 decisions I could wait and deliver any time and watch my child expire before my eyes while I stood there helplessly and did nothing, or I could go see this doctor in Wichita who would terminate my pregnancy for me so that I would not have to go through that. I was distraught I didn't know what to do, and I let others sway me into going to see him.

Now most of my trip to Kansas is a blur. This is because from the time you arrive at doctor's tillers clinic you are on some form of drugs. You're in a daze. Though I remember a lot, there is a lot I don't remember. I will never however forget the day I was given the Digoxin shot through my stomach into the heart of my baby. It took me 45 minutes to calm down enough so that Dr Tiller and one of his nurses could come in to do this. I was hysterical because after this there was no turning back. By telling them I was ready for them to come in and do it, I was telling them that it was okay to kill my daughter. They sedated me and then did it.

Now I have spoken to many other women who have been to Dr Tillers clinic NONE of them were sedated for the procedure. I woke up and my baby was dead after that I was given a prescription for a drug called "Pentazocine". While all the other women were given a prescription for something similar to TYLENOL #3. I was then sent to have laminaria packed up into me. While inserting the laminaria they broke my water "accidentally".

I was then shipped off to the motel where my labor began. Its now 6:00 pm, the clinic is closed for the day, and I'm in pretty intense labor. My contractions were less than 5 minutes apart. My mother who was with me at the time called down to Edna's room. Edna told my mom to give me 2 pills then one every hour after that. I didn't know my left from my right after a few hours. I was to the point where I was begging my mother for no more pills. I was in excruciating pain, and I was vomiting from the pills. I had this HORRIBLE pain in my cervix that to this day I cant explain (to this day I still experience that pain from time to time). My mother called Edna several more times she finally came down to my room and examined me on the hotel bed and said I was fine she then gave me another shot that sedated me. The pain was so intense that when it would come I would come out of the sedation then pass back out.

This persisted for several hours until the sedation wore off by this time it was about 1:00 am and my contractions were 1 min apart. My mom called Edna several times screaming at her. She then came again and gave me another shot and sedated me.. all the while I was still taking the pills every hour on the hour. By the time the second round of the sedation had worn off, I could no longer stand because of the drugs and because of the extreme pressure on my pelvis. I remember saying I needed to go to a hospital I didn't care about Dr Tiller's clinic I needed another doctor. My mom was crying and she ran into the hall when she opened the door the man in the next room heard me crying and screaming. He was a doctor. I thought I was saved.

Turns out the doctor in the next room was Dr Carhart. He had just arrived and checked into the hotel he came in and examined me immediately. He then called Edna and the exchanged some harsh words, and he said I needed to go to the clinic NOW. I had to be carried out to the van. Both me and my mother were in the back seat. Dr Carhart and Edna were in the front seat. My mother and I had to listen to Edna's Rap music the whole way there which I found highly unprofessional. At this point we were both like, "What did we get ourselves into? what kinda clinic is this?"

I left the hotel at 5:15am. By the time I got to Dr Tiller's clinic (they brought me in through the garage) they registered me undressed me sedated me and I delivered my child. It was 6:00 am, so it took 45 minutes. I do remember a few minor things about the delivery, but because of the anesthetic I hardly remember anything at all.

I was sent back to the hotel at 9:00 am. I returned to the clinic around 10:00 am the next day for a "checkup". It was at this time I was allowed to hold my daughter and have her baptized. They recommended I did not look at her because of all the disfigurements she had due to the Trisomy 22. They suggested it would be better for me to just think of her as the perfect little baby I had imagined she would be.

Now when you first get to the clinic you get a check list of things you can have like baby blanket... hand and foot prints.. pictures etc. I asked for these things and they told me they would mail them to me. I was hysterical. I just needed something to hold onto. I threw a fit in a waiting room (a waiting room I had never seen before) it was FULL of people all of the sudden they brought me my stuff. It seemed to me as soon as my abortion was over they couldn't wait to get rid of me. Sarah Phares and Reverend Gardner however were there for me and consoled me to the best of their abilities.

I now see that the medical care I received there was the worst kind of medical care one could have ever received.

Now my story is almost over but there is a little more to it. The prescription I was given there had a refill on it, but it cost me 75 dollars to fill this so I figured I would wait until the next day when I got home to refill this prescription because it would only cost me 35 cents (I have a medical plan.) So I had been home for 2 days and had not slept. I was vomiting I had nose bleeds the shakes the sweats and uncontrollable spasms. I thought this was because of stress. So I went to see my doctor and he wanted to run tests. I agreed on my way out his door I remembered my prescription, so I gave it to him and asked for the refill he looked at me with a very strange look on his face and asked me to sit down. He explained to me he could not give it to me and that basically it was synthetic heroine and he couldn't believe the amount of milligrams in each pill. I then explained to him that I was told to take 2 and then one every hour. He then did a quick blood test and it confirmed that the levels of pentazocine in my system now let alone 2 days ago should of killed me. I was not having all these symptoms from stress they were my body's way of trying to detox me.

I am no longer grateful for Dr tiller "helping me" he didn't help me at all. I wish now I would of had the courage to deliver my little girl and let her get even just one breath of air before she passed... to let her see my face just once before she passed. I will never have that chance now and I will always have to live with the decision I made and the nightmares of what happened to me in Kansas. All I have now is my little daughters ashes in a tiny silver engraved box in my living room. I have small box of pictures and foot prints and a receiving blanket with green goop on it that I can't bring myself to wash because I think it will wash her away. I still cry every day and I miss her everyday. Dr Tiller didn't help me he robbed me, and I let him. Women need to know what goes on there. People need to be educated on what goes on inside his clinic.

I just wanted to tell you the truth about what really happened and I wanted to tell you I'm sorry for all the horrible things I said about you. I still believe in a woman's right to choose, but I think they need to be educated before making that choice.

Click here to read the experience "Jeanne" had during her abortion.

Click here to read more from women who have had abortions at Tiller's clinic.

Click here to go to the home page.

This account was edited only lightly for spelling and grammar. The information in brackets [like this] is information that was changed to protect the identity of this woman.

Did you have an abortion at Tiller's clinic? Or did you accompany someone who did? If so, please click here. I'd like to correspond with you.